6 min read
03 Feb

Let me be clear as the sweetest nectar in a honeybee’s sack, this article is all about us. The flowers of Earth that spread beautiful love or poisonous possibilities. Girl. Female. Woman. This is for you. 

Since man first suckled the life out of our breast we have had to take more than we give. Even love making (or sex) can result with further pain from miscarriages, disease, or childbirth. Rape, physical assault, and the list of threats for girls continues to death. Nobody told me these risks existed or how to conquer them if they happened. 

Decades of spilled blood has prompted years of fighting for equality among the very men that come from our wombs and yet females are still suffering. 

Taking power from those who take ours is key to turning this negative spiral of cruelty to females into a world where that does not exist. I believe once women are no longer hurting, men will follow suit. The saying, "Hurt people, hurt people" should bring this point home. 

We can stop this. I know we can because no one else has or will so we must! Period. No more excuses. No more begging. This is my call to action for a better world. A world full of compassion, respect, and all things positive is within reach. We only have to do it together. 

It is 2021 and the need to unite and protect each other is stronger than ever before. The days of taking pain for pleasure is over. It is overrated and I am honestly frustrated with the duration in which we tolerated the lot of it. Lets no longer accept rules that restrict a woman. We can and will teach our daughters to be strong enough to "handle" the burden of being a female because we know the struggles are real and danger preys on the weak, innocent, or vulnerable. 

Girls may find themselves in situations that are scary and confusing. When they are given tools for protection the chance of survival is higher. Lets talk to our girls about dangerous situations before they happen to prepare them for the possibility. Knowing how to protect ourselves is priority and doing so by the means appropriate for our physical capabilities is justifiable. 

We can be mothers or wife’s and have successful businesses all while motivating the next generation of girls to be the best women they can be. Lets warn the kids about everything we can and explain why we're doing it to encourage them to share if or when something bad should happen. 

Teaching our youth how to fight, when to run, scream, or bite a predator in the nose is a few more ways to stop this abusive pattern. Bad people are everywhere and most of the time it is the ones you would least expect so warn the youth about that too. 

Lets be good to a woman we do not know every single day. Take a second to compliment a hard working mom or student on their talents. This may sound silly but you have no idea how good you can make someone feel just with a few thoughtful words. 

Lets tell the girls and women we do know how special they are and keep spreading rays of sunlight where darkness resides. 

We are stronger than we know!

Our girls are out here feeling scared, lonely, sad, and confused but they don't have to be because we are everywhere watching. When hands are stretched out they will find support. Comfort the youth and they will cherish the old. Victimize the youth and we will suffer. 

We can love the men (or women) that love us. Or we can fight back when violated. Taking exactly what we give is fair and overdue. 

Definition of Self-Defense - As per www.findlaw.com, Self-defense is the right to prevent force or violence through the use of a sufficient level of counteracting force or violence.

Resources for Self-Defense: 

  1. The cost for self-defense classes for women and girls start as low as $25.00 for online training and hourly rates for in-person training start at $30.00 per hour. It can be expensive but the cost of being a victim is higher. Use promotional deals found online or in apps to save money whenever possible. Talk to the owners or trainers personally and explain your situation and goals, maybe compassion will override greed and a fair deal can be made. Read books or watch videos while waiting (or saving money to pay) for the right class or training to begin. Please, remember that preparation can be key to our survival when under sudden attack!
  2. Security Cameras such as Arlo, Ring, Nest Cam and more offer another layer of protection, especially as a deterrent. Most camera security systems are now capable of showing in real-time. That gives us time to ensure our safety by calling for help, hiding, running, or loading our legal rights/2nd amendment. The cost for these cameras vary so research prior to purchasing for the best results. In my experience, Arlo is amazing. It cost under $100 (it was on sale, yay) and has lasted over 3 years. The quality is excellent and since it is right by my front door, it intimidates unwanted guest or at least makes them think twice about who is watching them. 
  3. Restraining orders vary from one jurisdiction to another and are used by courts of law to legally refrain the adverse individuals or party from certain actions. The adverse party or individual can be arrested and prosecuted for failure to comply so take these matters seriously. This paperwork can deter some predators from action but not all. This paperwork is another layer of protection we can use when we are under threat, however, do not depend on it alone. Utilize every self-defense approach available and never give up! 
  4. Have a plan for different scenarios like, "What I would do if a man pulls a gun on me and demands I leave with him?" Or, "What if my child is with me during an attack?" Have discussions or codes for emergency situations with children to promote awareness of predators and a sense of power over danger. Set trackers on kids phones and significant others (with their consent, of course) to ensure someone can locate the missing or possibly injured in times of emergencies. Okay, I may be over protective but remember the effects of rape, violent relationships, and other forms of abuse or traumatic events can last a lifetime. Over protection of our youth and each other is critical to the mission, and should be applauded.
  5. Warning signs of abuse, neglect, or other traumas come in many ways. Sometimes a bruise is just a bruise and sometimes it is much more. Ask for help when love starts to hurt because love should not hurt but suffering alone does.
  6. Praying can invoke power when we are in our weakest moments. Stand firm in your religious beliefs and repeat positive affirmations to promote courage. Replace fear, anxiety, confusion, and other negative feelings with a support system you create with community, family, and friends. 
  7. Safely store and carry weapons or gadgets for self-defense away from kids, pets, and persons that should not legally nor medically be in the presence of said weapons or gadgets. Carry products such as pepper spray, stun guns, a pocket knife, tactical pens, a tactical flashlight, small guns or other LEGAL weapons (that is implemented per your individual state, city, providence laws or ordinances) to offer security against life-threatening predators. Screaming and running may not deter as well as you would like to think so please take precautions now. Never carry or conceal any weapon without a Concealed Weapons and Firearm License (CWFL), it is illegal and you could be arrested so just don't do it. Remember that the laws can change from state to state so be mindful when traveling with any weapon, especially gun laws and non-lethal vs. lethal weapons for self-defense. Convicted felons should ALWAYS verify permittable weapons before purchase or usage to avoid further legal complications. Security for female convicted felons is difficult as most states have strict laws against carrying weapons of any kind.

Laws are for the citizens protection and too many of us (citizens/women) are not only being violated once by our attackers but again in the court room. This needs to change and we can do it by immediately invoking our power to protect ourselves with our voice, our fist, or by any other means necessary. 

Most states have provisions that allow full restoration of civil liberties, such as gun rights, however, for most felons that is hard to obtain. Processes for an expungement of records or a full pardon requires time, energy, and a financial obligation that a person just released from prison cannot easily (if at all) meet. Lawyers are often required to obtain and correctly apply for civil liberties restoration and that too is an unreasonable obstacle. 

We can change Arcadian laws that often protect the powerful and decimate the fragile. Convicted female felons are no longer allowed to legally protect themselves or have protection against dangerous predators after their children because of those laws and that terrifies me. 

Predators wait for easy prey and who is easier than a woman with no rights to self-protection? Re-evaluation of these rights for the physically smaller than the male counterpart (girls and women) should be done on a case by case basis rather than the one size fits all legal approach to re-entering a society known for brutality against women. 

Lets legally give our girls the right to protect themselves once they have successfully completed all aspects of their release or probation. I understand violent offenders not receiving these rights back, but the other women should not have to endure these battles if they are trying to become productive and PROTECTED members of society. 

With our daughters, sisters, and mothers working in unification, we can teach the next generation how to live healthier, safer, and happier than we are. Isn't that the point? Making things better for the next generation won't be easy but we can fix things. We can make this world better or worse. 

We are stronger than we know!

When we tell our boys their fathers are nothing it distorts their relationships and parental relationships are the foundation of a persons future. If daddy sucks, trust me the kids already know it and reminding them only hurts them more. I know this because it was done to me. 

Our boys need us too. These are the future offenders that can be taught love and kindness is the right path to take. I am very much for woman empowerment but only to empower the world to be a better place. Taking power from men is not my goal nor do I believe it to be the goal of most women. However, it is my goal to empower the powerless, to educate the hopeless, and to support the abandoned ones. 

Lets talk openly with the boys and men in our life about the importance of mutual respect and love for their counterparts. Do this often to encourage the growth of those feelings and like every beautiful seed that is planted with love, they are sure to grow into something amazing. 

We are stronger than we know!

The world spins making exerted energy negative or positive, this is science. We can help the future by helping one another starting right now! Even if you don't believe in karma or science, believe that the kids are watching. They see everything we do. They listen to everything we say. Eventually hate replaces love and the cycle continues. It does not have to because we are stronger than we know! 

I'm asking all my lovely ladies to stop any negativity towards others and especially ourselves. Female bonding has a familiar foundation with relationships from mothers and daughters, to sisters and bestfriends. However, that mutual love can shatter quickly when we feel threatened, envy, or other harmful triggers. Sometimes, in the mist of those "bad vibes" we can forget that we need to be good to each other to be good ourselves. 

Move through life's river with fluid love and the waves will never drown you. Move with hate, deception, or other negative energy and expect a tsunami of waves to crush something valuable. 

Today I hope to put forth good karma, vibes, or whatever you call it by doing what I am asking all of my sister survivors to do. I want to apologize in this very public way to any woman or girl that I may have offended or hurt in any way. I wish wellness, safety, and happiness for you because you are my sister too. 

To my mother, who will never read these words; I forgive you for everything and hope you forgive me for not being a better daughter. I blamed you and I didn't even know you. You gave me to him as a baby and I hated you. You left us alone with a monster that was charming to the girls who tore the life from my womb because of him, because of you. Because you, my mother, loved him more than her children, we suffered. It is also because of you that I am who I am today. My strength comes when I look at my scars and remember, I survived. 

We are stronger than we know!

God, I wish things were different for us but they were not and I've hated you for so long that I don't know how to tell you I love you. But I do.  

Female bonding with my mother was never an option for me nor will it ever be. However, for the many mothers and daughters that are separated please remember tomorrow is not promised so make amends while you have the time. 

I believe when we bond in love, respect, and positivity this world will be saved from all things that cause suffering. I will continue to do my part and hope this motivates my lovely ladies to do the same for a brighter world... One happy woman at a time. 

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